Moving, relocating, and 'starting again' has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I have moved 11 times internationally, and have had over 10 addresses in the last ten years. It has been exhausting! And I know that I am not alone in this demographic.
More and more people I meet have also experienced geographic moves that have impacted their lives. From international students and academics on short-term contracts to asylum seekers and refugees as well as business executives and their families; people are more transient than ever before. This trend is unlikely to slow down any time soon.
All relocations come with significant mental costs. Regardless of whether the relocation is local, interstate or international, often a common thread emerges with people who have relocated. Many people find their mood, identity, and emotional wellness are hugely impacted by relocation.
To break it down, I have found that there are 4 emotional aspects to relocation while reflecting on my own life and working with people who relocate:
Loss can happen in lots of small ways. For example, know where buy your favourite foods, being known and accepted in your community, knowing the best travel routes in your local area and being attached to your home where you have many fond memories. Suddenly, when all these things are lost at once, it can feel very destabilising emotionally.
Far too often people do not associate "grief" with anything other than with the death of people, and sometimes pets. But, for many people who relocate from somewhere they are attached to there can be a really meaningful sense of loss. This can result in feelings of sorrow and sadness.
As a child, I was often told to "focus on the new chapter" following each move, which while important, it did not erase the deep feelings of loss and grief that I needed to process
There is also the process of leaving behind family members and friends. Although they may still stay in your life, your method of interacting with people is significantly different. Your relationships have changed, you may not talk as much about the little things in life, or you may miss life events such as weddings, funerals and births. Each time a life event is missed, in your life or theirs, that can add to feelings of distance or sorrow.
It might also be hard to start reaching out to new people and making new connections. It might feel daunting or just very different. It can be challenging adjusting to meeting people who have very different life experiences to yourself and also might have different cultural values, beliefs or habits. Even not understanding small references to pop culture like famous local athletes or children's television programs may increase feelings of being 'on the outside' socially, leading to social withdrawal and isolation.
Relocating can also affect our own identity and how we relate to ourselves.
As mentioned above, leaving all that is familiar can be incredibly destabilising, and then it can be difficult relating to new people and finding yourself without a community. Suddenly you might not be able to think of yourself as a "local expert" or "social butterfly" or "5 time champion of your squash club". There may be huge differences in your lifestyle such as work/life balance or hobbies you're able to do. Even wearing completely different clothes if you're in a new climate can change how you feel about yourself!
And sometimes as you find yourself settling into your new environment, that can also be a bit distressing. You may begin to question where "home" is, and feel like you're torn between two places.
Change is difficult, and "culture shock" is a normal process when adapting to a new environment. It can happen in big international moves or even regional or interstate relocations. Culture shock happens when we become aware of the differences and possibly conflicts in values, beliefs and customs, between the culture you came from to the culture you're now in.
This aspect is more often related to homesickness when you wish to seek familiarity as a comfort but are unable to. Common feelings as a result of this may be anxiety, sadness, depression or anger.
These are just some of the emotional aspects that can occur during relocation, and a lot of these responses are completely normal.There may be other stressors associated with a move depending on the reason for relocating, such as adjusting to University life or starting a new job. However, there are plenty of wonderful, positive reasons to relocate and often people find great happiness and new experiences in their new home.
However, as with everything in life; relocation can be a bit of a process and it may be worth doing a check-in to assess if you are struggling with some of the common symptoms of stress:
If you feel you may be struggling to adjust to your relocation, you may find that talking to a therapist may help as you can discuss what might be causing you distress in a safe, confidential space.
