For a long time, I didn’t know there was a word or label that described the life I was living as a child. All I knew was that in my family, nothing was permanent. Every couple of years, I’d find myself falling asleep surrounded by boxes, with ‘we’ll miss you’ cards tightly packed away, staring at the ceiling in the dark, thinking about everyone and everything I was leaving behind.
By the time I was 16, I had lived in 11 countries across 3 continents. This may seem shocking to some—an unimaginable amount of upheaval, paired with the privilege of having travelled so much of the world. However, for Adult Third Culture Kids (ATCKs), this narrative is a familiar one.
Like many TCKs, I moved to my passport country (the UK) as a young adult for higher education—a place that, while I had visited regularly and lived in briefly as a child, I knew very little about in terms of daily life without my parents. I became a 19-year-old who spoke perfect, accented, English, and was unable to read a bus timetable—a skill most local children had mastered by the age of 12.
While I can happily say I have now successfully overcome many of those practical obstacles, since then, I have been fascinated by how other Adult Third Culture Kids (ATCKs) experience the world and navigate their mental health. During my counselling training, I dedicated my primary research dissertation to understanding the emotional aspects of the repatriation process and later presented my findings at an international conference.
In this blog, I want to explore the mental health challenges that ATCKs often face, especially during repatriation and adulthood.
Authors and TCK researchers Pollock and Van Reken (2009) define a Third Culture Kid (TCK) as:
"An individual who, having spent a significant part of their developmental years in a culture other than their parents’ culture, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures while not having full ownership in any. Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience."`
This widely accepted definition fits within the Cross-Cultural Framework. However, unlike other cross-cultural models—such as intercountry adoptees, mixed-race children, or children of immigrants—the "third culture" of a TCK is considered a transitory experience rather than a permanent one.
The 'Third Culture' is defined by its temporary, highly mobile nature and is shaped by those living within it. TCKs typically relocate frequently due to their parents' professions, such as missionary work, military service, diplomacy, or engineering. Many attend international schools rather than local ones, forming close bonds with other TCKs who share the experience of constant transition. Even if a TCK spends the majority of their childhood in a single host country, the ever-changing social circle reinforces the sense of living in a "middle" culture—a culture that exists between cultures.
This phenomenon is not static; as global mobility increases, so too does the population of TCKs. In 2019, the United Nations estimated that the number of international migrants worldwide had reached 272 million, or 3.5% of the global population. While this statistic doesn’t differentiate between permanent migrants and those planning to return to their home countries, it highlights the reality of a highly mobile world. In countries like Australia, it's estimated that around 1 million people live and work overseas at any given time, contributing to the expanding population of TCKs and the unique challenges they face.
Another unique element of the third culture experience is the process of repatriation—returning to one’s passport country, often for education or work opportunities. This transition usually occurs while their parents remain stationed overseas. Repatriation can be one of the most tumultuous periods in an ATCK's life, as reflected in various studies:
Repatriation is often a long process:
Purnell and Hoburn (2012) found in their study that the "Stabilisation Stage" for Australian ATCKs returning to Australia took a minimum of two years after repatriation. Source
Some ATCKs may never fully assimilate:
Fail, Thompson, and Walker (2004) reported that some participants felt like outsiders in their passport country even 20 to 50 years after repatriation. Source
Settling down can trigger feelings of unrest:
Bushong (2013), a US-based therapist specialising in globally mobile clients, found that many ATCKs seek therapy in their 30s, often during the period when they’re settling down. At this time, they may experience significant feelings of unsettlement, a stark contrast to their peers.
My own research highlights that university-aged ATCKs often struggle significantly during repatriation. This transition can be jarring, as ATCKs may look and sound as though they belong, but feel entirely out of place due to limited understanding of local customs, social norms, or cultural references. ATCK’s may have also built up a picture of what finally ‘going home’ might be like which is different to day-to-day realities. This experience of ‘reverse culture shock’ can be very difficult to cope with, as there are limited tailored resources available and it is a very specific experience.
As Bushong found, even after the initial stages of repatriation, many ATCKs feel distant from others, either having not fully assimilated into their passport country or feeling out of sync as they watch their peers settle down, all while being unsure of why they feel different, especially if other aspects of their lives are going ‘well’.
Growing up as a Third Culture Kid (TCK) is filled with contrasts. It’s widely recognised that being raised among different cultures fosters valuable skills such as cultural sensitivity, multilingualism, and a global outlook. However, for many TCKs, this upbringing also brings challenges, such as difficulties in developing a sense of home, identity, and attachment.
Below are some of the mental health challenges that ATCKs (Adult Third Culture Kids) may face. It’s important to note that each ATCK's experience is unique.
ATCKs often grapple with identity confusion, as they don't neatly fit into a single cultural category. In a world that still often demands clear labels, this can create conflict and anxiety, leading to a fragmented sense of self.
Additionally, the TCK model is defined by the experience of living in a "third culture." When that experience is no longer a part of an ATCK’s life, they may struggle to restructure their identity, especially if ‘being a foreigner’ or ‘always moving’ was a core part of who they were.
Frequent relocations often mean saying goodbye to places, friends, and routines, leading to repeated experiences of loss. Over time, this can accumulate into unresolved grief, which may resurface as anxiety, depression, or difficulty in forming healthy attachments in adult relationships.
As ATCKs grow older and settle in their passport country, they may also feel deep grief for the life they once lived.
For many ATCKs, repatriation coincides with their first experience of living away from home, such as attending university. Unlike their peers, who might have family support nearby, ATCKs often have parents stationed overseas. The physical and emotional distance from their primary support system can be challenging, especially since this may be the first time in their lives they’re not surrounded by others with similar experiences. This can lead to feelings of isolation and a tendency to withdraw socially.
ATCKs may struggle with maintaining deep, lasting friendships and relationships due to a history of transient connections. This can foster a fear of intimacy or reluctance to fully invest in relationships, as they may expect them to be temporary.
Pollock and Van Reken (2009) theorised that ATCKs often form friendships and relationships intensely and quickly due to the pattern of limited time with peers growing up. This intensity can cause difficulty or feelings of rejection if others don’t reciprocate the same level of enthusiasm.
The constant state of flux in a TCK’s upbringing can lead to chronic restlessness, making it difficult for ATCKs to commit to long-term plans, jobs, or living situations. They may crave change or feel unsettled when life becomes too routine, which can conflict with the demands of stable employment or financial stability.
Repatriation often involves a significant adjustment period that can trigger anxiety and stress. Culture shock and confusion are common during this time, and the fear of not fitting in or being misunderstood can exacerbate social anxiety and lead to isolation, and withdrawal. I have previously written about culture shock and how to cope with it, here.
While being an ATCK is a lifelong journey and your relationship with your upbringing is always evolving, here are a few suggestions to help navigate mental health challenges:
Seek out other TCKs online or connect with individuals from international or cross-cultural backgrounds. Finding people who are also experiencing culture shock or who have an "outside" perspective can provide comfort and validation. This sense of belonging can help you feel more grounded in your experiences.
Instead of viewing your diverse cultural background as a burden, see it as a unique strength and a valuable part of your identity. Engage in creative outlets, such as journaling or storytelling, to help appreciate the richness of your experiences. It’s okay to be different! You can read more about embracing cross-cultural identity in my blog here.
Therapy provides a valuable opportunity to explore persistent feelings of anxiety, depression, or restlessness in a safe, non-judgmental environment. A therapist can help you examine how your unique upbringing has shaped your identity and emotional landscape. In my practice, I take a relational approach, where you are the expert of your own story. Together, we will gently explore your emotions, past experiences, and future goals, allowing you to gain deeper insight and clarity.
Navigating life as an Adult Third Culture Kid can be complex, but it also offers unique strengths and perspectives. Understanding the mental health challenges ATCKs may face is the first step in addressing them. By seeking supportive counselling or psychotherapy, ATCKs can work toward embracing their multifaceted identities, processing past losses, and building a grounded sense of self.
Remember, it’s okay if you don’t fit neatly into one culture or place—your diverse background is a valuable part of who you are.
Living abroad or spending an extended period in a different country can be both exciting and challenging. However, culture shock is a common experience for those finding themselves in unfamiliar surroundings.
Having worked extensively with people through all stages of relocation, I’ve seen firsthand the significant impact culture shock can have on mental health. Personally, I’ve lived in over 10 countries across 3 continents, and while much of that relocating occurred during my childhood as a Third Culture Kid, my most recent move—halfway around the world from the UK to Australia—has been particularly profound.
In this blog, I’ll share my insights on culture shock, how it relates to our understanding of culture, its effects on mental health, and practical strategies to help you navigate and adapt to this experience.
The term “culture shock” was first introduced by anthropologist Kalervo Oberg in 1954. Oberg, born to Finnish parents in British Columbia, Canada, travelled extensively and lived in various countries.
He described culture shock as:
“Culture shock is precipitated by the anxiety that results from losing all our familiar signs and symbols of social intercourse. These signs or cues include the thousand and one ways in which we orient ourselves to the situations of daily life: when to shake hands, what to say when we meet people, when and how to give tips.” — Oberg, 1954
Oberg theorised that are four stages of culture shock:
However, subsequent studies have revealed that individuals experience a wide range of emotions related to relocation. Some people skip the honeymoon phase altogether and immediately feel homesick, struggling to adjust to significant differences in their new environment.
Ultimately, it is widely accepted that culture shock refers to the range of emotions experienced during the adjustment period when moving from one culture to another.
Grasping the concept of culture is crucial to understanding why we feel culture shock.
Anthropologist Edward T. Hall, in 1976, introduced a powerful metaphor: culture as an iceberg. Picture an iceberg floating in the ocean—only about 10% of it is visible above the water, while the remaining 90% lies hidden beneath the surface.
Hall’s model explains why culture shock can be so profound, showing how much of culture exists beyond what we initially perceive. It shapes nearly every aspect of life, including family dynamics, approaches to marriage, parenting, and societal norms. It encompasses far more than just what’s visible on the surface—although even something as simple as what you can now watch on television can still have an impact.
In the stages of culture shock, we often first engage with the visible aspects of a new culture—the "surface culture." These differences are easy to spot and may trigger excitement or discomfort. As we go deeper, we begin to encounter the "deep culture," which includes hidden beliefs, values, and communication styles. It's these deeply ingrained cultural elements that tend to feel the most unfamiliar and challenging to adapt to.
When we experience culture shock, we can suddenly feel off-kilter and alone. We become a "foreigner in a foreign land" where everything feels different and unfamiliar. Self-consciousness, frustration, stress, and even depression can set in. It's not uncommon to begin questioning whether relocating was the right choice. If the move involved family or a great financial cost, this period of second-guessing can cause significant internal turmoil.
On top of these emotional challenges, there is a very real aspect of isolation. This comes from both leaving our primary support system behind and also struggling to connect and build up a new support network in our new home. If the 'deep culture' aspects of our new culture are very different to our own, we may find it difficult to bond over commonalities and start forging new social connections.
For example, people from cultures where humour and sarcasm signal friendliness may feel rejected if their jokes don’t land with new colleagues. Similarly, someone from an individualist culture, where self-autonomy is prioritised, may struggle to adapt to a collectivist culture, where family ties and group dynamics dominate.
These are just a few ways culture shock can affect mental health. If these feelings persist without progressing into the adaptation or acculturation stages, this can have a great impact on how we feel about ourselves and those around us.
Culture shock is a natural process, and feeling disoriented or uncomfortable is a normal response. Adaptation doesn't mean losing your identity or values; it involves learning, adjusting, and finding a balance between your cultural background and your new environment.
Here are some strategies from someone who has both studied and experienced culture shock:
Before embarking on your journey, invest time in researching your destination thoroughly. Understand the local lifestyle, traditions, customs, and social norms. Knowing why locals behave the way they do can mentally prepare you and reduce the shock of cultural differences upon arrival.
Moving to a new country is a significant life change. Acknowledge that culture shock is a natural part of the process. Rather than constantly comparing it to life back home, view it as a valuable learning experience.
Effective communication is crucial for integration. While many people learn basic phrases before moving, continue learning the local language while immersed in the new culture. Don’t let shame hold you back—engage in conversations, ask for definitions, and seek pronunciation guidance.
Creating a daily routine soon after your move creates stability. Familiar habits can provide comfort during your transition, giving you a sense of normality at home.
Maintaining regular contact with family and friends helps preserve your sense of identity. Schedule video calls and explore online activities that allow you to stay emotionally connected.
Reaching out to fellow expatriates or local clubs helps build social connections. Whether it's sharing experiences with other expats or joining a local group based on your interests, building new relationships is essential for a sense of belonging.
Be patient with yourself. Moving to a new country is a significant change, and even small accomplishments—like navigating public transportation or making a new friend—deserve to be celebrated.
Moving to a new country can be overwhelming, and if feelings of sadness, agitation, or loneliness persist, prioritizing your mental health is crucial.
Consider taking the following steps:
Culture shock is a natural part of adapting to a new environment. By understanding it better, developing cultural awareness, building support systems, and establishing healthy routines, individuals can often overcome these struggles and find exciting new opportunities.
For some, professional support can be helpful. As someone who has personally, experienced culture shock, I would love to offer you therapeutic space and support while you navigate these challenges.
Remember, culture shock is temporary. Eventually, you will find your place in the world.
Moving, relocating, and 'starting again' has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I have moved 11 times internationally, and have had over 10 addresses in the last ten years. It has been exhausting! And I know that I am not alone in this demographic.
More and more people I meet have also experienced geographic moves that have impacted their lives. From international students and academics on short-term contracts to asylum seekers and refugees as well as business executives and their families; people are more transient than ever before. This trend is unlikely to slow down any time soon.
All relocations come with significant mental costs. Regardless of whether the relocation is local, interstate or international, often a common thread emerges with people who have relocated. Many people find their mood, identity, and emotional wellness are hugely impacted by relocation.
To break it down, I have found that there are 4 emotional aspects to relocation while reflecting on my own life and working with people who relocate:
Loss can happen in lots of small ways. For example, know where buy your favourite foods, being known and accepted in your community, knowing the best travel routes in your local area and being attached to your home where you have many fond memories. Suddenly, when all these things are lost at once, it can feel very destabilising emotionally.
Far too often people do not associate "grief" with anything other than with the death of people, and sometimes pets. But, for many people who relocate from somewhere they are attached to there can be a really meaningful sense of loss. This can result in feelings of sorrow and sadness.
As a child, I was often told to "focus on the new chapter" following each move, which while important, it did not erase the deep feelings of loss and grief that I needed to process
There is also the process of leaving behind family members and friends. Although they may still stay in your life, your method of interacting with people is significantly different. Your relationships have changed, you may not talk as much about the little things in life, or you may miss life events such as weddings, funerals and births. Each time a life event is missed, in your life or theirs, that can add to feelings of distance or sorrow.
It might also be hard to start reaching out to new people and making new connections. It might feel daunting or just very different. It can be challenging adjusting to meeting people who have very different life experiences to yourself and also might have different cultural values, beliefs or habits. Even not understanding small references to pop culture like famous local athletes or children's television programs may increase feelings of being 'on the outside' socially, leading to social withdrawal and isolation.
Relocating can also affect our own identity and how we relate to ourselves.
As mentioned above, leaving all that is familiar can be incredibly destabilising, and then it can be difficult relating to new people and finding yourself without a community. Suddenly you might not be able to think of yourself as a "local expert" or "social butterfly" or "5 time champion of your squash club". There may be huge differences in your lifestyle such as work/life balance or hobbies you're able to do. Even wearing completely different clothes if you're in a new climate can change how you feel about yourself!
And sometimes as you find yourself settling into your new environment, that can also be a bit distressing. You may begin to question where "home" is, and feel like you're torn between two places.
Change is difficult, and "culture shock" is a normal process when adapting to a new environment. It can happen in big international moves or even regional or interstate relocations. Culture shock happens when we become aware of the differences and possibly conflicts in values, beliefs and customs, between the culture you came from to the culture you're now in.
This aspect is more often related to homesickness when you wish to seek familiarity as a comfort but are unable to. Common feelings as a result of this may be anxiety, sadness, depression or anger.
These are just some of the emotional aspects that can occur during relocation, and a lot of these responses are completely normal.There may be other stressors associated with a move depending on the reason for relocating, such as adjusting to University life or starting a new job. However, there are plenty of wonderful, positive reasons to relocate and often people find great happiness and new experiences in their new home.
However, as with everything in life; relocation can be a bit of a process and it may be worth doing a check-in to assess if you are struggling with some of the common symptoms of stress:
If you feel you may be struggling to adjust to your relocation, you may find that talking to a therapist may help as you can discuss what might be causing you distress in a safe, confidential space.
